ACT I   -   The Gardens of Tottminster Hall at Stone Stixford in Surrey.

• No. 1 - Opening Chorus - "Did you ever hear the like of this before?  No, you never heard the like; here's a bride of half-an-hour - says that married life's a bore..."
• No. 2 - Trio - Aubrey, Eustace and Daisy - "Though up till now but modestly placed, pursuing our art obscurely ... We trust we work with an epicure's taste..."
• No. 3 - Song - Pettingill - "Some men have never been to Paris; some men have never been to Rome.  Some men have never been to Harrow-on-the-Hill..."
• No. 4 - Duet - Rosalie and Dick - "To walk a wire I was taught when but a tiny child of five, and really now I think I ought to thank my stars that I'm alive..."
• No. 5 - Song - Pettingill and Chorus - "It's perfectly hopeless to try and win my daughter fair (his daughter fair) for offers of marriage are pouring in from ev'rywhere."
• No. 6 - Song - Rosalie and Officers - "No doubt I ought to try to direct a cheerful eye towards a man that I can learn to think of with affection, but ..."
• No. 7 - Finale Act I - "Dear Mr. Pettingill, dear Mr. Wragge, you're a very interesting pair ... Apropos of what? ... Compliments are not calculated to clear the air..."

ACT II   -   The Dionysian Court, Tottminster Hall.

• No. 8 - Opening Chorus and Solo - Dick - "Of all her sex a paragon, not Catherine of Aragon, Queen Anne or Sarah Bernhardt ever did a feat so rare..."
• No. 9 - Song - Rosalie and Chorus - "I like joy, don't like sorrow;  I postpone till the morrow all my grief and woe;  I like bright, cheerful faces..."
• No. 10 - Song - Pettingill - "Such a bore!  I've been ordered out to pasture with the cows.  My doctor bought the tickets, and he said: 'You've got the rickets...'"
• No. 11 - Quintet - Rosalie, Sheila, Pettingill, Minstrel and Jimmy - "I'm very much afraid that the little British maid is a sham ... She's a sham, she's a sham ..."
• No. 12 - Trio - Rosalie, Dick and Lord Mirables - "When to dinner you go out, it is just as well, no doubt, if you patronize the merry table d'hôte..."
• No. 13 - Song - Daisy and Chorus - "Of course you know young Dinkelpop, he's a captain in the lancers;  I mean the chap named Dinkelpop who's a dervish..."
• No. 14 - Song - Cuthbert - "I sometimes take my mothaw out to supper, and mothaw takes my sister Jane along;  a sort of fam'ly group down to the Carlton..."
• No. 15 - Duet - Rosalie and Dick - "I would crow like chanticleer if you said you were now quite ready, dear, to be wed.  If you said you'd marry me..."
• No. 16 - Finale Act II - "It's quite all right! ... You mean it's quite all wrong.  My friends, he means that here I don't belong;  you've just now heard..."

ACT III   -   At the Little Green Inn, on the Brighton Road.

• No. 17 - Opening Chorus - "House there!  House there!  Come along and serve the tea.  Now then, must we blow you up with trumpets?  Bring us jam..."
• No. 18 - Song - Rosalie and Chorus - "Remember, please, if I lack a proper pose, I had no Mamma!  I had Papa, but as ev'rybody knows I don't count Papa! ..."
• No. 19 - Duet - Pettingill and Minstrel - "Said the dog to the duck: Stop quacking!  Come and have a good old bark, come and chase the cat thro' the garden..."
• No. 20 - Song - Dick and Chorus - "Convention perhaps would disparage a public proposal of marriage, but there are young ladies demanding particular wooing..."
• No. 21 - Song - Pettingill - "A very pretty story with a moral at the end occurs to me this moment, and if to me you'll lend your casual attention, I'll tell you..."

Click here for a list of the characters and original singers.