No. 13 - Song - Sebak and Chorus - "I'm adviser to this Royal pair."

Lyrics by Frederick Fenn

[Sebak:] I'm adviser to this Royal pair,
[Chorus:] Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la!
[Sebak:] I'm the only fellow living they could trust with this affair,
[Chorus:] Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la!
[Sebak:] They wanted an establishment not like suburban villas,
All laburnums and a summer-house o'er-run with caterpillars,
But a mansion large enough for two, and possibly a kid,
So I hired from the agents a most roomy pyramid.
[Chorus:] So he hired from the agents a most roomy pyramid.

[Sebak:] It's quite a royal residence from ev'ry point of view,
[Chorus:] Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la!
[Sebak:] And when I've reupholstered it, 'twill be as good as new,
[Chorus:] Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la!
[Sebak:] I've engaged a staff of servants and a girl to do the charing,
While the lifts and all the lighting is contracted for by Waring,
The furniture's all Chippendale made by a man called Moses,
And the Art and Crafty bedsteads will be far from beds of roses.
[Chorus:] And the Art and Crafty bedsteads will be far from beds of roses.

[Sebak:] My architect has done his best to tinker up the Sphinx,
[Chorus:] Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la!
[Sebak:] And servants have their quarters in the basement with the sinks,
[Chorus:] Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la!
[Sebak:] I analysed the sub-soil to make sure it wasn't sandy,
While when the Prince is late at night he'll find the tramway handy;
I thought undecorated stone was just as shade prosaic,
So I've had Sir William Richmond down to dab it with mosaic.
[Chorus:] So he had Sir William Richmond down to dab it with mosaic.

[Sebak:] It's a most successful blending of the modern and antique,
[Chorus:] Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la!
[Sebak:] The sort of place where lovers like to spend a happy week,
[Chorus:] Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la!
[Sebak:] And though my innovations may offend the ultra purists,
I've put a railing round it to keep off obtrusive tourists,
The weakest point about it is the lack of ventilation,
Still, as a modern residence it's quite a revelation.
[Chorus:] Still, as a modern residence it's quite a revelation.