No. 12 - Song - Duke and Guards - "Do not hesitate to shoot."

Lyrics by Adrian Ross

[Duke:] In these days of deadly danger
Any monarch has to fear
If he finds a doubtful stranger
Inconveniently near;
So I mean to be protected
By the marks-men of my guards,
Who can pot a man suspected,
[Guards:] Who can pot a man suspected!
[Duke:] At about four hundred yards!
Do not hesitate to shoot.
[Guards:] Do not hesitate to shoot!
[Duke:] If he's carrying a cocoanut
or other massive fruit!
For it may be full of dynamite,
or possibly may not,
You can see when he is shot,
[Guards:] We'll see when he is shot!
[Duke:] And the one who gets him first
is made a sergeant on the spot!
[Guards:] So of course he should be shot,
[Duke (spoken):] Shot!

[Duke:] If I do the Franco-British
With a girl, and sup with her,
And you see me getting skittish
At about the third liqueur--
If forgetting all my troubles,
At a game of Bridge I am,
And my neighbour promptly doubles,
[Guards:] Yes, your neighbour promptly doubles,
[Duke:] And proceeds to score a slam!
Do not hesitate to shoot.
[Guards:] Do not hesitate to shoot!
[Duke:] If my partner starts revoking
when he ought to follow suit,
He may say he wasn't very sure
if hearts were trumps or what,
But I want to have him shot,
[Guards:] You want to have him shot!
[Duke:] When he makes the first hand spade
and all the aces I have got,
[Guards:] Then of course he should be shot,
[Duke (spoken):] Shot!

[Duke:] If a girl with an umbrella
That she holds extremely high
Makes me dance a tarantella
When she jabs me in the eye,
When I'm rushing for a ticket
And my train is overdue
There's a woman at the wicket,
[Guards:] There's a woman at the wicket!
[Duke:] Who is holding up the queue!
Do not hesitate to shoot.
[Guards:] Do not hesitate to shoot.
[Duke:] When she asks the way to Paris
by the Inner Circle route!
And a shilling's worth of coppers
she has spilt about the spot,
Then I think she should be shot,
[Guards:] We think she should be shot!
[Duke:] When she comes back to the window
for a farthing she forgot,
[Guards:] Then of course she should be shot,
[Duke (spoken):] Shot!

[Duke:] When a singer on a platform
Starts a song in Melisande,
You should perforate his fat form
With a volley close at hand!
If at operas by Gounod
I observe some people near
Humming all the tunes they do know,
[Guards:] Humming all the tunes they do know,
[Duke:] By a most imperfect ear!
Do not hesitate to shoot.
[Guards:] Do not hesitate to shoot.
[Duke:] At the opera, a musician
with a solo on the flute!
Don't allow another twiddle, dot
his crotchet on the spot,
Score his bass with treble shot,
[Guards:] His bass with treble shot!
[Duke:] Hit him through the intermezzo
with a dum-dum piping hot!
[Guards:] So of course he should be shot,
[Duke (spoken):] Shot!