No. 2 - Song - Bombito and Girls - "If I was a ruler despotical."

Lyrics by Adrian Ross

[Bombito:] If I was a ruler despotical,
Presumably properly paid,
I never would banish the Yankees or Spanish,
It wouldn't be good for the trade.
I would go in for nothing quixotical
But say that all women and men
Must smoke what is known as
Consuelo Coronas--
Twelve cents, or a dollar for ten.
[Girls:] The brand that is known as
Consuelo Coronas--
Twelve cents, or a dollar for ten,
a dollar for...
[Bombito:] I'd be a warmer
Tariff reformer;
Belgian cigars I'd forbid you to buy.
If they struggled in, or got smuggled in,
We would burn them to kill the green fly.
[Girls:] Burn them to kill the green fly.
[Bombito:] I would supply you as many,
Cheaper than any, two for a penny,
All importations from alien nations
I'd veto--
All your cigars must be got from Bombito.
[Girls:] Only Bombito cigars! Tra la la!

[Bombito:] My army would be territorial,
And when I appeared at its head
Converted quick-firers would find no admirers;
We'd all be quick smokers instead!
I would build you a Shakespeare memorial,
A theatre for all of the stars,
Where Brutus, Othello, and that Jewish fellow
Would mingle blank verse and cigars.
[Girls:] Where Brutus, Othello, and that Jewish fellow
Would mingle blank verse and cigars,
blank verse and cigars.
[Bombito:] People would then mark
Hamlet of Denmark
Smoking gigars with the Ghost in the night,
While Polonius, quite harmonious,
Got Ophelia to give him a light.
[Girls:] Got her to give him a light.
[Bombito:] Jessica pert and provoking,
While she was joking
Still would be smoking.
Fairies while sipping
their dew-drops and tripping
On free toe;
All would be smoking cigars from Bombito.
[Girls:] Smoking Bombito cigars! Tra la la!
[All:] People would then mark
Hamlet of Denmark
Smoking gigars with the Ghost in the night,
While Polonius, quite harmonious,
Got Ophelia to give him a light.
Jessica pert and provoking,
While she was joking
Still would be smoking.
Fairies while sipping
their dew-drops and tripping
On free toe;
All would be smoking cigars from Bombito,
Smoking Bombito cigars!