No. 22 - Quartette - Alice, Molly, Lionel and Harry

Lyrics by G. H. Jessop

[Alice:] Suppose a Highwayman you were,
And went to rob a coach, Sir,
Say would you quake and shake with fear
on hearing it approach, Sir?
[Lionel:] Astride my horse, my bonny bay,
My pistols I would prime, dear,
And put all thoughts of fear away
Until another time, dear.
[Harry:] By process inferential
She casts on him a stigma.
[Molly:] Her questions metaphorical
Containing an enigma,
[All:] Containing an enigma.
[Alice & Molly:] Then guess, guess, guess,
And do not seek a quarrel,
The point of this is more or less
Design'd to point a moral,
[All (men's words):] We'll guess, guess, guess,
There is no need to quarrel,
The point of this is more or less
Design'd to point a moral,
a moral.

[Alice:] And if inside the coach there sat
A simple maiden only,
Say would you gaily doff your hat,
And leave her robb'd and lonely?
[Lionel:] I'd say to her, "You must not stay
All lonely here and teary,
So jump upon my bonny bay
And come with me, my deary."
[Molly:] Oh, if a heart was all she had
To steal, and that was taken,
[Harry:] D'ye think that we are men, egad,
To leave her there forsaken.
[All:] To leave her there forsaken.
[Alice & Molly:] Oh, yes, yes, yes,
You've guessed the answer neatly,
And yet the moral now confess
You fail to grasp completely,
[All (men's words):] Oh, yes, yes, yes,
We may have guess'd it neatly,
But all the same we both confess
We're in the dark completely,
completely.
[Alice & Molly:] Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
[All:] You're/We're in the dark completely,
[Lionel & Harry:] Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Ha! Ha!
[All:] You're/We're in the dark... completely.