[Cheyne:]
Golf is an excellent game in its way,
[Ada:]
But ev'rything's all "in its way,"
[Cheyne:]
Golf is a game that was not meant to play
[Ada:]
A good deal too serious for "play,"
[Cheyne:]
But if you want an excuse for a walk,
[Ada:]
Golf's the excuse for a walk,
[Cheyne:]
If to the lady you're burning to talk,
[Ada:]
Golf's not the subject you talk.
Oh, a glorious game is golf,
[Cheyne:]
You'll forgive me, I pray, if I cough!
[Ada:]
If you've a daughter you want to "go off,"
Encourage the girl to play golf.
[Cheyne:]
That's the curious thing about golf,
One always appears to "go off."
[Cheyne:]
Golf's not a game that a lady should play,
[Ada:]
No perfect lady can play.
[Cheyne:]
A maiden can soon learn the language of flow'rs,
[Ada:]
But the language of golf lasts for hours.
[Cheyne:]
Though you've had several shots at the ball,
[Ada:]
Nothing occurs to the ball.
[Cheyne:]
Caddy will laugh as you break up your "tee"
[Ada:]
"Caddies" were made to hold "tea."
Oh, a glorious game is golf,
[Cheyne:]
You'll forgive me, I pray, if I cough!
[Ada:]
If you've a friend that you want to "score off,"
Ask him to play you at golf.
[Cheyne:]
If you try to defeat him at golf,
Your "score" will be probably "off."
[Cheyne:]
Golf is an excellent game on the whole,
[Ada:]
But nobody gets in the hole,
[Cheyne:]
Golf is a game where you're "like as you lie,"
[Ada:]
You can "lie and you like" if you try.
[Cheyne:]
Golf is a game where you "get in a swing,"
[Ada:]
Nobody gets in the swing,
[Cheyne:]
Golf is a game where you end on the green,
[Ada:]
And ends up by turning you green!
Oh, a glorious game is golf,
[Cheyne:]
You'll excuse me, I pray, if I cough!
[Ada:]
If you've a headache which never leaves off,
Just drive to the links and play golf.
[Cheyne:]
But as soon as you start to play golf,
The head of your driver comes off.