No. 5 - Quartet - Dora, Nancy, Mr. Probitt, and Porter

Lyrics by Percy Greenbank

[Dora:] Oh, a journey by train
is a terrible strain,
I object to the fuss and the flurry.
[Mr. Probitt:] There's the chance of mishaps
to your luggage and wraps
When you all have to change in a hurry.
[Nancy:] The compartments aren't wide,
and they're stuffy inside;
Your enjoyment this frequently hinders,
[Porter:] If you let down the sash
it's remarkably rash,
For you promptly get smothered with cinders.
[All:] It's oh, for a ride in the puff-puff,
Oh, for a journey by rail,
The jolting and shaking
will set you all aching,
Your face will get dusty and pale.
Your hair will get awfully rough-puff
If you're inclined to be vain--
You will be distressed,
for you don't look your best,
When you've been for a trip in the train.

[Dora:] If you travel by night,
Then your slumbers are slight,
For the rest of the passengers snore, so,
[Mr. Probitt:] When it's cold, you may freeze
And get cramp in your knees,
While the foot-warmers leak on the floor, so.
[Nancy:] Then the novels and fruit
that they bring you en route,
And the milk that you just eat a bun with;
[Porter:] And the porters you tip
in the course of your trip,
Oh, you're glad when the whole thing is done with.
[All:] It's oh, for a ride in the puff-puff,
Oh, for a journey by rail,
What terrible rations
you get at the stations,
The sandwiches always are stale,
Ad ev'rything's frightfully tough-puff,
Passengers often complain;
You really don't feel
quite inclined for a meal
Till you've finished your trip in the train.