For three days Kevin enjoyed the freedom of being himself, running around the house doing odd jobs for his mother and playing alone when he had the time. The following Saturday morning Karen appeared without any prompting, although it was Karen in one of her foulest moods, short-tempered and thoroughly irritable.
"Has Kevin been in my room during the past week?" she demanded, coming down to breakfast in an old gingham frock and with bare feet.
"Not since Tuesday," Betty assured her. "He's been told not to, except at weekends."
"I don't want Kevin in my room at all," she insisted. "Why can't he act like a normal brother and leave my clothes alone?"
Betty made several attempts to placate her, recognising this familiar tetchy mood. It was Karen all right, but not a side of her daughter she ever found particularly endearing. Betty had had eleven years' experience of her temperamental children, but there were still times when she was unsure how best to handle the situation.
"So what are you planning to do this weekend?" she asked as if nothing were wrong.
"I'm off to play with some of my friends!"
"Karen dear, you know I can't allow that. We did agree, your presence here is a secret we share with nobody. If we go out at all this weekend, we'll go to places where we don't know anyone, right?"
"Boring!" Karen sat down peevishly, and pouted for effect.
"Come on, poppet," her mother encouraged her. "I've waited all week to see you, so don't be cross now that you're here!"
"But there's no-one to play with," she sulked. "And Kevin's not here either. I wish Kevin were still alive."
"He is alive, my poppet, but he can't be with us today. You know why!"
"Yes," she retorted angrily, "because you banished him from the house till Monday, that's why! I think it's a shameful way to treat your own son. What kind of a mother are you?"
"My darling, I only asked him to keep out of our way for a few days so we can enjoy the weekend on our own."
"Doing what? Hiding from neighbours and everyone I ever knew?"
"Not necessarily. Last time, you seemed keen to practise your ballet in the garden. How about that? I haven't seen you in a leotard for ages."
Betty felt a sudden chill of horror as she realised Karen had last worn a leotard on the day of her accident.
"I decided I can't any more," Karen said. "It looks silly. I can't wear things like that, because my body's different. It feels ridiculous. Can't I cut it off?"
"Cut what off? Certainly not!" Betty exclaimed. "Kevin would never forgive you! Besides it would make an awful mess, and you don't want to be rushed off to hospital."
"That's where people go when they die. Daddy went there, and he died. So did Kevin."
Betty was fast losing her patience. "For heaven's sake, Karen, will you stop talking about people dying - I don't want to hear it! Have you decided what you want to do today?"
"Yes!" she announced emphatically. "I want to go shopping."
"Oh, no," Betty shied away. "Not again! We've already done all the shopping we can afford, remember?"
"But this time we needn't actually buy anything! I just want to go into dress shops and try things on, that's all! Perhaps I ought to start wearing a bra! Will I grow proper breasts when I'm older, and be able to have babies?"
Betty's eyes narrowed. "I think you know that answer without me having to tell you. Listen, you either pull yourself together at once and behave like a nice little girl, or I'll fetch Kevin back straight away. Is that what you want?"
Karen sat thoughtfully as if in a trance. The angry frown slowly faded away to be replaced by a look of pure serenity.
"Did they ever tell you?" she confided slowly. "When I went to my last ballet lesson, I was selected to take part in a dancing display at the Carnival. That's why I was rushing out to tell you when the accident happened."
Betty was dumb-struck. "How did you know about that?" It was a painful detail which she had never revealed to Kevin.
Karen rested a comforting hand on her mother's shoulder.
"Miss Owens took four of us aside in class and told us each privately, one by one. We were advised to keep it to ourselves - but then because of what happened, it was cancelled."
"Has Kevin ever met any of the girls from your ballet class?"
"I doubt it. Anyway he's not interested in talking to girls! He gets all embarrassed!"
"I know. Poor Scruff! How often do you talk to Kevin?"
"I'm with him all the time. And Daddy too. Would you like Daddy to come and stand beside you?"
"What?" Betty stood up and backed away. "No!"
"Why not?" Karen's voice became temptingly sweet - a shade too sweet.
"What are you?" cried Betty in a sudden flush of alarm.
"I'm Karen!" came the reply. "Your little poppet! Don't be afraid. Please cuddle me!"
The strong maternal instinct couldn't resist the two appealing arms held out towards her. After all, wasn't this what she'd wanted? Hadn't she sensed long ago that this wasn't simply Kevin in different clothes? It had to be Karen herself.
Betty had made a point of teaching both her children that when people died their souls went to heaven. Why should the soul of her own daughter not be entitled to the same motherly love that she once received on earth?
Betty's voice took on a new reverence as she asked: "Are you glad to be here?"
"Yes, provided you're kind to me. You've been sort of cross lately, which is why I went back to Daddy. He's been ever so kind since that day. I think it's much fairer now with each parent having one child to look after. Yes, I'm happy, but I'll be much happier when we're all reunited. And I really don't mind about Kevin putting on my clothes. It is Kevin who does that, you know. I just take over as soon as he releases his mind to me."
"But what happens to Kevin in the meantime? I mean, where is Kevin's soul right now?"
"Probably trying to show Daddy his electronics kit, or explain how a train works. Daddy's got far more time now to be a true father, so he's more likely to show an interest in trains, and not only to please Kevin. The actual toys aren't important. It's the time and attention a parent dedicates to his child - that's what counts. Oh," she added with a joyful smile, "we have much more time here than you could ever imagine."
"Does Kevin remember any of what happens to him?"
"Only for an instant as we change places. But it soon becomes vague and it evaporates, like a dream you can't quite recall."
"This won't do him any harm, will it?"
"Depends how he feels. He may find it more satisfying to wear a dress instead of trousers."
"You mean he might want to go around dressed as a female when he grows up?"
"Sure, but there's nothing wrong in that," Karen proclaimed wisely. "It's only a narrow-minded society that claims it's wrong. People have attitudes that are strange, and they get disturbed by it. The division of males and females doesn't exist after you die. Mortal bodies need sexes to reproduce, but souls don't. And Kevin isn't likely to develop any obsession about my clothes as long as you don't interfere. Of course, if you stop him doing it, you won't see me! I'll still be here, but you won't know how to recognise me!"
"Could Kevin ever become Daddy?"
"I think you mean, could Daddy ever dwell in Kevin's body?" Karen corrected her. "I doubt it. It's quite hard work doing this, but it's easier for him and me because we're twins. Ours, in a sense, was a double body, given to two harmonised souls."
"Karen, my love, you sound so wise at the moment. Why is it you're sometimes all grumpy and cross when you first appear?"
"It's probably still Kevin, feeling awkward and silly in the wrong clothes. But I do get frustrated by things I can't do any more, like visiting my friends. It's going to get worse in the years to come. I can convince you I'm Karen now, because you can make Kevin look like me. But when he's got a deep voice and whiskers, we'll have to stop. But try to remember, Betty, I'm always here, and Kevin will always know me. The toughest part for you is over. You're not sad any more. You understand that one day you'll meet us all again. And we're wonderfully happy where we are."
"Tell your father, would you? Tell him I loved him and I miss him."
Karen smiled as if to a naive child. "Oh, poor Betty, don't you realise? You can tell him that yourself, any time you like!"
"You mean he's here?" Betty felt uneasy at being watched by an unseen presence.
"But you're using the wrong words. They're inappropriate. We're always here." Karen laughed kindly. "And stop looking so apprehensive - you're surrounded by loving spirits. You can't grasp what HERE means, can you, or it would all make sense. HERE is a material word. Are all the works of Mozart, Beethoven and Brahms here? Is BBC1 here? Are ITV, Channel Four or BBC2 here? They're all here, and everywhere else too, but without a TV set you wouldn't know any of them existed. Think of Kevin's body as a television set, tuned for a while to receiving Karen instead of Kevin. Can you understand? It's so simple to us. You'll realise, when your time comes."
"Not too soon, I hope."
"Then it's up to you to be careful! You were asking what I wanted to do today. Tell me instead what YOU would like to do."
"I just want to spend the day with you, my poppet."
Karen smiled. "You haven't understood, bless you, but we'll forgive you because we love you. Why don't we go upstairs and finish tidying my room? So sadly neglected! Don't neglect it, please Betty, and don't make it a sad room. It was a happy room for me, and I want it to be a happy place for you too. Come on, Mummy. Look lively!"
She urged Betty to her feet, and they went up to Karen's room, drawing back the curtains to let in plenty of bright sunlight.
"I see no sense in keeping that awful black dress," Karen advised. "It's doing no good to anyone, collecting dust and moths' eggs up here. Why not give it to a child who needs it?"
Feeling she'd been given a direct order, Betty laid the dress on the bed, and looked at it sadly.
"Stop being sad, Betty. If you knew how it is, you wouldn't go about in black when we die. It's a beautiful moment, spoiled only by the sadness of people we leave behind. And it is only for a while. You're with us again almost instantly. It may seem to take a long time, but only to you. Why dwell on the gloomy prospect of how ghastly life is going to be without us? That's selfish. Think instead how good it was to be with us. We'd like that much better, and so will you."
Karen set her seal on the sermon by kissing her mother's cheek and turning to more practical issues. "Look at these shoes! They don't fit Kevin's clod-hopping feet, and they're never going to fit you, so why are they still here? Come on, Betty, wake up to yourself and give them to someone who needs them."
"These might still fit you," Betty suggested, picking out a pair slightly larger than the rest.
"Maybe, but I never liked them, so please give them away. Keep only what we're going to need for my visits. And let Kevin take this room now - he's got such a tiny bedroom. Why confine him to the boxroom when this room's free? This room has got to stop being a dismal shrine to my memory. I want to be remembered by better souvenirs than a room full of dust and cobwebs! Ah, look, there's a dress I always loved wearing!"
Karen took from the wardrobe a royal blue dress and held it against herself. "Let me see if it still fits me - or rather, him!" she added with a self-conscious giggle. She quickly stripped off the gingham dress and stepped gracefully into the royal blue.
"There! Doesn't that look nicer?"
"Much!" Betty agreed. "I can't think why you chose that other one today!"
The reply came with a knowing smile and a gentle shake of the head.
"Betty, my love, I didn't. Have I managed to convince you that we both co-exist?"
Betty nodded. "I suppose so - though I still find it disturbing - and a bit alarming."
Karen nodded her head in kindly compassion. "Mother dear, how can wisdom be disturbing? Be fulfilled from this knowledge, and be happy too. Learn to comfort others who've lost someone dear to them. We all know you had a tough time at first, but that was before you understood. You behaved like a cat pining for its owner who'd gone on holiday. It's lucky we had Kevin. Through him, we were able to lift you from your shell of self-pity. We always knew this was possible, if only you'd allow it to happen. Of course, Daddy thought you'd be too narrow-minded to get Kevin's help. It was his idea to make you ice Kevin's name on the cake in pink! It sowed a fertile seed into your mind."
"And it was you, I suppose, who persuaded Kevin to ask about your birthday present?"
"He's known all along that I'm still here. He knew I was beside him at the funeral. I'm sorry if we had to upset you, letting him ask painful questions, but isn't that like having a thorn removed? A child might think it less painful to leave it, but we know thorns are best removed, even though it may hurt for a moment."
Betty laid a gentle hand on her daughter's face and smiled sadly.
"Did it hurt you, my poppet, when you were hit by that car?"
"It came as one hell of a jolt, I can tell you! Suddenly everything went silent and incredibly black, a weird sort of stillness like the echo of a fearful explosion that I never actually heard. After that came the light, and that was wonderful. But I was most annoyed at first. I remember saying 'Oh!' and feeling tremendous heartbreak and disappointment because I wanted to give you some happy news. But everyone was kind and told me not to worry. Then Daddy was with me, stroking my hair. He's such a nice Daddy. He's very kind to me, and I love him. You'll get on much better when you're reunited, I promise."
Karen paused for a moment, allowing her words to settle. Then she stood up, clapping her hands like a school-teacher. "Come on, Betty! Can't spend all morning chattering - let's get these clothes sorted out."
One by one, Karen took each item, gave it careful consideration, and either returned it to the wardrobe or laid it on the bed. Betty could only marvel at the girl's competence, while she remained embalmed in a divine contentment which seemed to envelope the whole house. To her earthbound mind, it was a feeling as good as the natural warmth of sunshine and fresh clean air on a pleasant summer's day.
At last Betty gave an overwhelming sigh. "Well, I must say, Karen, I never expected things would turn out like this. But I'm glad they have. Have you decided what clothes you want to keep?"
"Yes," Karen declared. "Those on the bed are to be given away. All shoes can go, except for the ones I'm wearing and the new school shoes. The rest are no use, because boys have bigger feet than us girls. Keep the winter coat though, in case we ever go out in the cold."
"What about your underwear?"
There was a pause, as if Karen were listening to someone's advice.
"Ah! Right! Daddy doesn't think it's a good idea to let Kevin wear anything too 'dangerous', as he calls it. A boy's body's different, so just keep for him what's practical, and use the rest for dusters! And please, let him have this room. I'll be much happier if we both share the same room from now on."
"All right - but it wouldn't be fair to make too many changes before I've discussed it with him."
"Do you want me to say it again in a more Kevin-like voice? Listen. We both agree!"
"How can you know what Kevin wants, and still be Karen?"
"Oh, Mummy - really! We're twins, remember - we share, we're as one combined person. What were my best qualities?"
"As a person? You were always very neat and tidy with your toys and clothes."
"Wouldn't you like Kevin to be the same?"
"In that respect, yes! But you're different in other ways. You're the dainty little dancer, and so affectionate too. That's why I love cuddling you, my pet, and you seem to appreciate it so much. Is it nice being cuddled by your old Mum again?"
Karen nodded and was about to put her thumb in her mouth. "More so when I'm Karen," she said, and began sucking.
"Come on then, poppet. We both need a bit of this, don't we!"
"Boys aren't supposed to like cuddles. Silly, isn't it!"
"Tell me about Kevin," Betty went on, amused at her own expectation of an impartial assessment.
"Kevin's okay. He's got a good heart, but he's too fond of getting his own way. He's not as grateful as he should be, and he lets himself get dirty too, which annoys me when it's our body. He can be so stubborn at times - it makes me mad!"
"Be fair. So were you, at times."
"Never. Mine was level-headed determination!"
"Like when you insisted on buying that uniform? Was that Karen or Kevin I took shopping?"
"I'm not sure. I knew it was happening, but it felt more like a dream. I really believe Kevin will be going to school with lots of other girls next term."
"I assure you, he's definitely going to the boys' grammar school."
Karen shook her head. "No, I don't think that will happen - it doesn't feel right somehow. I'm sure it'll be co-educational, more like the primary school." She laughed. "And you're so determined not to let him go as me. Why?"
"Because there are rules on Earth that are best obeyed. We can pretend if we like at home, but I'm putting my foot down about sending him to school like this. Surely you can see I want him growing into a normal healthy man, not some weird person who likes dressing up."
Karen shook her head and smiled. "Dear Betty! So many parents insist on moulding their children to fit some programme they've already mapped out. How many fathers urge their sons to play their own sport, or take up their own hobbies? A parent isn't superior to the child; we're all equal souls. Train Kevin out of his bad habits by all means, Betty, but don't impose stereo-typing on another soul. Let Kevin be the person he's destined to be and you'll be proud of the outcome, I promise. Remember, we're as much a part of Daddy as we are of you."
"Why is it your father and I didn't get on too well?"
"Because you differ greatly in spirit. You wanted a strong-willed man to cover your own weaknesses. He wanted a soul-mate who'd satisfy urges he felt in his body. There's nothing wrong with orange juice, and there's nothing wrong with milk, but if you take alternate sips of both you'll end up being sick. That's how it was with you two - you simply weren't soul-mates. But he's a good man, Betty, and he loves you. Always remember that. Do you realise there aren't many people around who don't love you?"
Betty gave a derisive laugh. "I didn't seem to have many friends after your father died. They liked HIM well enough, but evidently not me on my own."
"People are unsure of you, Betty, that's why. They know you've lost two members of your family, and are wary of upsetting you. You were deplorably weepy a few months ago, and few people know how to handle weepiness. That leaves the rest with only one option - to avoid it by avoiding you. They don't dislike you, Betty, but you've got to make the next move. Show everyone you've now got a firm grip on life. Show them you're in control, then count how many friends you have! Find out who needs your friendship, then go out and give it to them. Now, shall we take these clothes somewhere where they'll be of more use than in this museum?"
"I wonder how much we could get for them in the Oxfam shop?"
"You don't want anything in return, Mummy. You want friendship more than cash. Giving doesn't mean selling. Give to someone who needs."
"Like whom, for instance?"
"You'll meet someone very soon, but you'll feel better for it if you make the choice instead of me. You have a mortal body at present, but there's nothing wrong with your soul, so learn to use it! Don't let what you call the real world blot out the voice of your inner soul."
Betty shook her head in amazement. "I can't believe I'm hearing all this from my own child!"
"This body is your child and it inherited much of its innate learning and ability which your body likewise inherited from Grandma and Grandpa. But wisdom comes from a source wider than the chemistry of chromosomes and genes. A goldfish has as much wisdom, but lacks the earthly tools to use it. And speaking of earthly matters, might I suggest we'd both enjoy a cup of tea and some crumpets. I haven't had crumpets since we came home from my funeral!"
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