The following morning, Karen was still determined to go to church.
"But why, my love? You never used to be religious, in fact you begged me not to send you to Sunday School."
"That's because I didn't like wasting precious weekends on an activity of seeming unimportance. Orthodox religion has little to do with common humanity. In church you meet good souls eager to help one another. You also find souls looking for help, and you're just the sort of person who's good at providing it."
Karen might also have confessed to a more earthy desire to go out wearing her smartest clothes.
In view of Betty's fears about explaining the presence of a deceased daughter, they drove over to the United Reform Church in Rushbury. The choice of denomination was based not on Betty's religious preferences, but on the simple fact that the United Reform offered better parking facilities! Such were the ways of the Lord!
Although twenty miles from home, Betty still scanned the assembly for signs of anyone she knew, and it was with a genuinely thankful prayer that she sat quietly beside her daughter and waited for the service to begin, conscious that her spiritual colleague represented an authority who deserved the fullest respect.
The service was pleasantly informal. The minister had a gift for gaining the attention of his flock with tasteful humour and charismatic charm. He took his place in the pulpit and beamed down over his assembled listeners, in the manner of a wise uncle about to share a good story.
"It is always a pleasure to see in our congregation unfamiliar faces whom I don't recognise - ever hoping," he added, "that this is attributable to the presence of welcome newcomers, and not to the fact that I picked up the wrong pair of glasses this morning!"
A warm murmur of approval wafted through the pews.
"Shall we begin our worship this lovely morning by the singing of hymn one hundred and five..." Further words were drowned by the hasty rustling of pages as the congregation rose to its feet, shuffling into position where each had enough elbow-room to sing.
It wasn't until they were well into the last verse that Betty recalled Kevin's hopelessly unmusical ear. Yet here beside her was a child singing more tunefully than Betty had ever heard before. In no way could Kevin have created so pleasant a sound, any more than a frog could make a success of imitating a canary.
Everyone knelt for prayers, which were followed by a bible reading. For a while, Karen sustained angelic stillness, occasionally turning to her mother with a loving smile, until Betty became aware of her companion's increased fidgeting.
"Do try to sit still," she advised quietly.
"These tights are getting uncomfy," the child retorted, and began scratching at her shins and thighs.
"Leave your legs alone, there's a good girl."
"You didn't warn me tights would itch so!" came the clearly audible complaint. "I think they're horrid - I want to take them off!"
"Well, you can't," Betty said in a hoarse whisper. "You must wait till we get outside. I don't see why you wanted them anyway. You looked perfectly fine in white socks."
The child glowered and began to swing her legs to and fro, kicking the pew in front of her with increasing persistence.
"Stop that at once, Karen, or I'll take you home right now."
The truculent child immediately flung down her hymn book and stood up with all eyes upon her, including those of the minister who halted his rambling address to the children.
"I see we have a young lady," he exclaimed, "already standing for our next hymn. I feel so often it is the young among us who lead the way. I take the hint, dear, I've gone on far too long, so shall we all stand for hymn number fifty-five ..."
Smiles were mixed with frowns as the congregation complied with the minister's directive, some amused by the child's conduct, others shocked that she hadn't been taught how to behave in church. This time Karen made no attempt to sing, which Betty took as a sullen response to being reprimanded.
As the hymn entered its second verse she realised she was now in the presence of Kevin, and suddenly she felt acutely embarrassed. She had brought into God's house her son, wearing his sister's royal blue dress and coat. Her mind flashed back to childhood bible lessons, and to the Book of Deuteronomy which clearly affirmed that what she'd persuaded Kevin to do was very wrong.
Grabbing a bible from the shelf in front of her, Betty sought the relevant text - chapter 22, verse 5: "A woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for whosoever doeth these things is an abomination unto the Lord thy God."
She flung down the bible as if it were red-hot and stared around her at the singing congregation. Were they aware that she had sinned amongst them? Did this reference to a man and woman apply with equal force to a boy or girl?
Before the hymn was over, Betty had seized the child's hand and hauled the protesting Kevin up the aisle, past fifty pairs of inquisitive eyes, and out into the cool fresh air of the churchyard.
"What on earth are you thinking of?" she hissed as they stood on the pavement. "How dare you disgrace me in front of all those people! I didn't bring you all this way just to have you scratch and wriggle like a spoilt child. I'll tell you one thing, my lad, I'm quite certain your sister would never behave like that."
"She'd have a job!" he retaliated. "There can't be much left of her by now."
Betty shook him roughly. "Stop it! What's the matter with you? I thought we agreed Karen would stay till this evening? Why did you decide to become Kevin again so soon?"
The boy gave his mother a look of hostile resentment. "It's obvious you love Karen more than you love me!"
"Don't talk nonsense, Kevin. I love you both, you know that. But she's been so well-behaved this weekend, and now, the minute you return, you spoil it."
"I haven't spoiled it," he argued. "I just didn't like sitting there in these stupid clothes. Why do they make girls wear tights if they're so horrible?"
"Tights aren't horrible. It's just a matter of getting used to them."
"Well, I've had enough!" he said. "I'm taking them off!"
"You may remove them once we're in the car - and mind how you handle them. They're much more delicate than socks."
"Who cares? I won't be wearing these again!"
But on reaching the car Kevin's resentment abated and he seemed to be harbouring second thoughts. He sat on the front seat with his legs straight out in front of him, and ran admiring hands up and down the smooth nylon surface.
"They feel nice on the outside," he remarked. "And they look nice too. Are yours the same as these?"
"Very similar."
"If they feel so soft, why do they itch? Have I got them on inside out?"
"I don't think that makes any difference, my pet. It's just that your little legs aren't used to them, and you probably got a bit hot in church."
"It's better when there's wind blowing on them. But I don't see the point in wearing something so thin you can see right through it?"
"They're meant to keep your legs a little warmer and to make them look nice."
"Do you think I've got nice legs? Maybe I could wear a shorter skirt, then everyone would admire them!" With his knees firmly together, he eased up the hem of the dress. "My legs feel all damp further up!"
"You're bound to notice lots of differences when you're dressed like that. But, listen, Scruff, it says in the Bible that it's wrong, so perhaps we'd better stop doing this. As soon as we get back home you can change, okay?"
"No," Kevin decided. "I like being like this. I like knowing how it feels to be a girl."
"Maybe, but I'm not altogether sure it's healthy for you. I think we'd better give Karen a rest for a while, don't you?"
"Rest in peace!" he said. "It says so on her grave, remember? Rest in peace!"
Despite his earlier complaints, Kevin seemed happy to remain as Karen until after lunch time, when he finally agreed to go and change. But when urgent cries for help brought Betty scurrying upstairs, she found him on the landing with the dress pulled inside out over his head, trapping his arms like a strait-jacket.
"I knew it!" she sighed with some amusement. "Typical boy! Trust you to get in a tangle! Come on, back as you were! You can't possibly get that dress off when it's still done up at the back!"
Betty undid the fasteners and lifted the dress clear of the child's head. Then she felt obliged to make another comment.
"Was that the only underwear you could find this morning?" she added, referring to some flimsy embroidered panties. "I think you might have worn something a little more suitable, don't you?"
"These feel very nice," he said, running his hands over his behind. "Soft and smooth, just like my legs."
"Maybe, but they're hardly appropriate for a boy like you!"
"No, but today I was Karen. They're allowed on Karen."
"Maybe, but since you're not Karen any more, I suggest you step out of those now and find something of your own."
"These are very pretty!" he said, looking down and admiring himself.
"Maybe, but they're hardly right for my Scruff. Come on, I've got a job for you downstairs, and you certainly can't do it wearing those."
"What sort of job?"
Betty's brain raced to think of a plausible reply.
"There's a heap of old papers stuck behind the freezer. I need you to help me pull them out. Go and find your jeans!"
But when Kevin appeared downstairs in jeans and a turtle-neck pullover, Betty knew that something was still not as it should be.
"What's that you've got on now?"
He tried to look indignant. "You can see what I've got on!"
"I meant underneath."
"I took off the tights and I changed my knickers."
"I'm talking about up here!" she said, prodding his chest.
Kevin backed off at once. "Careful! That's a delicate part of a girl's body."
"But you're not a girl, Kevin, and even if you were, you're only eleven - hardly old enough to develop a bosom that big!"
"I only wanted to look nice."
"If you were seventeen and female, then it might, dear, but I hardly think it's necessary to wear that in order to help me move the freezer."
"I only wore it as padding, in case you needed me to squeeze behind and push with my chest."
"Are you trying to tell me you still want to dress as Karen?"
"You did say I wasn't to be a boy again till Monday."
"I know, but it's more important that you understand I love both my children equally. I love you as my strong young handyman and my son, just as I love Karen as my little dancing daughter."
"You never cuddled me when she was around!"
"Did that make you envious, my pet? I'm sorry, I thought you'd feel silly if I cuddled my growing boy like a big cissy."
"I'm not a cissy!" Kevin bellowed with sudden rage. Betty had evidently touched a raw nerve.
"No-one's saying you are, Scruff, but I'm worried about treating you in a way that might spoil your future! I don't mind what we do together as long as you don't end up liking things that normal boys ought not to!"
"Well, I certainly didn't like wearing those tights! Would you dress yourself up as Daddy one day and take me to the Science Museum?"
"Me?" she laughed. "I'd look ridiculous!"
Kevin returned a defiant stare. "Then how do you think I felt in church?"
"I don't know, Scruff. How did you feel?"
He seemed to give the matter careful thought before answering.
"Different! I was invisible, so it didn't matter. It felt like a dream at first. I liked being Karen today. Her clothes were lovely and smooth on my skin. But then I suddenly felt all hot and silly, as though everyone could see I was dressed up like a stupid doll. And when I got hot, those tights started itching all up my legs, and instead of feeling soft, they felt damp and horrible!"
"And where have you put them now?"
With a look of resignation, Kevin reached up inside his pullover and extracted the nylon panties and tights, which served as his false bosom. He eyed his mother curiously.
"What's it like growing real tits?"
"I beg your pardon!" Betty glared. "There are nicer words you could use. But since you ask, it's like everything else. Things change gradually and we each get used to being the way we are. But on the whole, I'd say you're better off not being female. It brings too many complications."
"Like what?"
"Well, like carrying all the equipment inside you for having babies. It gets to be a nuisance at certain times. Come on, help me pull this freezer out from the wall."
Kevin pulled hard and managed to budge the freezer sufficiently to squeeze himself behind it. He reached down a slender arm and pulled out several handfuls of papers, festooned with grey fluff and cobwebs.
Suddenly there was a loud click and a squeal of fright. With a shudder of terror on his face, Kevin quickly extracted his hand and saw attached to his fingers a dusty old mousetrap. The shock drove him at once to tears. Betty prized the trap away from his fingertips, and dutifully kissed them better.
"Your father must have set that down, years ago," she said with an encouraging laugh. "That show's how long it's been since we cleaned behind it!"
She tried to sound light-hearted, but Kevin was clearly distressed.
"Come on, Scruff! A big boy like you shouldn't be crying over a little thing like that."
"If I was Karen you'd let me cry," he sobbed. "You'd cuddle me too."
"Yes, old chap, I probably would." She put her arms around him and squeezed. "It just proves how unfairly we treat boys and girls! Is this what you want? You need me to nurse you for a few minutes?"
"Not me," he sniffed. "Karen. You must nurse Karen."
"But you're Kevin now. I thought we'd put Karen out of our minds for a while."
He shook his head. "I don't want her out of my mind. I love Karen."
"So do I, darling, but I also love Kevin."
The tears stopped abruptly and he smiled again. "It's still Karen's time though," he exclaimed in a burst of enthusiasm, and raced upstairs.
Betty decided not to intervene. She managed to push the freezer back where it belonged, then thought hard about the washing up. But ten minutes later, with no sign of Karen nor the return of Kevin, she felt bound once again to go up and investigate.
The child was in Karen's room, kneeling on her bed and gazing out of the window towards the garden. She was wearing the old gingham dress again, and her feet were bare.
"I thought Kevin was coming downstairs to be cuddled?"
"I want to be cuddled up here. This is where you first cuddled me, remember, here in Karen's room on our birthday."
"Ah! But if you're still Kevin, why the dress?"
"I felt like wearing it. It's cooler than jeans. I've decided I don't want to wear trousers any more till it's winter."
"I see. Do you still want me to cuddle you?"
In response to outstretched arms, Betty sat Kevin on her knee.
"You know, Scruff or Poppet, whichever it's to be, I'll always love you, and it doesn't matter to me how you're dressed! But I'm afraid it is going to matter to other people. It's funny, don't you think? Here you are in your sister's old school dress, yet you're still my Scruff, whereas yesterday evening in those boyish jeans and tee-shirt you were undoubtedly Karen."
Kevin turned to her with a puzzled frown. "Yesterday?"
"Yes, when we visited Mrs. James."
"Mrs. James? That woman who's a menace on the roads? She had the nerve to show up at the funeral, remember?"
"Yes, and we also saw her last night."
Kevin looked truly perplexed. "Why would she want to come and see us?"
"She didn't. Your sister suggested finding out how Mrs. James was, because she'd been feeling ghastly all this time, and I'd never given her a thought. Until yesterday, I didn't even want that woman's name entering my mind. But Karen was right - we should have gone to see her much earlier."
Kevin's attitude remained hostile. "So what did she say? Sorry I killed your little girl? She's left it a bit late for that!"
"Yesterday wasn't a time for words, Kevin, it was a time to be kind. That woman's had a tough ordeal since January, and she's still too terrified to drive."
"Just as well, if you ask me!"
"You really don't remember being there, talking to her? Have you ever heard anyone refer to a Dutch Uncle?"
"Why, has she got one?"
"No, but someone was talking to her like one last evening."
Kevin evidently didn't understand any of what Betty was saying. So where had he been at the time?
"What's the first thing you remember this morning?" she asked.
"Getting itchy legs in church."
"Did you enjoy singing those hymns?"
"No. There was only one, and it was stupid. I hate singing."
"I know that. What about yesterday? What did we do on Saturday?"
"I can't remember - played somewhere, I suppose. I don't know."
"You've never heard of a girl called Tracy?"
"No. Did she come and play with Karen?"
Betty shook her head and sighed. "Oh, Scruff, my lad. We've got weird things happening here, and it's more than I can understand. It's all getting a bit too spooky for my liking."
"You mean, to do with this girl Tracy?"
"To do with you. You as my little Scruff, you in one of Karen's dresses, and strangest of all the real Karen herself."
"Real? You mean you've seen her, like a ghost?"
"Not exactly. But I've met her, I'm certain of that. I spent most of yesterday with the real Karen - at least, I think it was her, though I felt some of the time it was still you. It's your body I was looking at, but it was Karen I saw, and it was certainly Karen who spoke to me. She's matured a lot since she first appeared."
"I thought you only pretended I was Karen. You said you knew it was still me underneath."
"I know that, my darling. When you dress as Karen, I know it's only you in different clothes. But then, sometimes, something else happens and the real spirit of Karen comes through, talking to me using your voice."
"Get off! What does she say?"
"Lots of things - generally very wise things, as if she's much cleverer than we are at sorting things out."
"Karen?" He was filled with disbelief and gave a derisive snort, as if his sister had beaten him in exams.
"Karen's spirit," Betty affirmed. "It's a great joy to know she still has a living soul, and she's happy somewhere with her father."
"Yes. That's what comes of going to church!" Kevin suggested bluntly.
"But don't you feel that Karen's happy now?"
"Oh, I know she's happy. Twins can always tell how the other one feels. And I enjoy pretending I can talk to her."
"Well, you needn't pretend, my lad. You can talk to her any time and she can understand. I just hope though she doesn't end up destroying you."
"Me? Why would Karen want to destroy me?"
"She destroyed yesterday for you, didn't she?"
"I think I must have stayed asleep all day, so she didn't destroy it, she just made it so as I didn't have to get up."
"Did you dream while you were asleep?"
"I can't remember. Yes, something about meeting a clergyman near the shops. And he said something about me having to stand up when I addressed a man of the church, so I did. Then we all had to sing a hymn, which is when I woke up!"
Betty was felt seriously worried. "What should we do about this, Scruff? Do you think we ought to tell someone? I mean, it can't just be my imagination."
"Tell someone if you like, but I don't want anyone to stop me. I wouldn't mind being like this always. It makes me feel nice."
"Maybe, but you surely don't want your friends to see you like this, dressed as Karen?"
"You said it was a case of getting used to it. It's much nicer, as long as the pants aren't too narrow. Girls wear funny pants, don't they!"
"Well, that's because girls are made differently. We've had this conversation before ... or was that with Karen? I don't know - it's so confusing - it's getting out of hand too. I mean, we no longer seem able to control when she comes or goes."
"I could stop her coming if I wanted to, though it's hard if there's something she badly needs to say. I let her in because she's my sister, like I used to let her share the bathroom if I was in there. I don't know how long she needs to talk, but I know when she's finished because that's when I wake up."
"That clergyman we saw today seemed kind and understanding. I don't think I could discuss this with the Rev. Barkworth - he's much too pompous. But the man over in Rushbury was different, more approachable. Perhaps that's why Karen wanted us to go there - she does seem to know what's best, doesn't she! I wonder if he's free this evening? I don't think he does an evening service. You didn't happen to notice his name, did you? It was on the board, right outside his church."
Kevin shook his head. "If Karen's so clever, I bet she knows. It's sickening isn't it, having a twin sister who's cleverer ..."
His eyes closed and his voice slowly drifted away as though he was falling into a deep sleep. When it resumed, it sounded softer, warmer and more mature.
"It's not meant to sicken you, silly boy, I'm here to help. Honestly, fancy him being jealous of me! Yes, Mum, go and see Dan Wright if you feel you can't manage on your own, but please don't worry. It'll all seem so natural to you one day. As for Kevin, he's just resting. He's perfectly all right - stop worrying."
"Karen? Why did you suddenly desert me in church this morning? You were singing so nicely."
"I got carried away. It takes a lot of effort to do this, and we were up late last night with Mrs. James. The music in church was so lovely it took me with it. Music can do that, you know - that's why we find it so comforting on earth. We thought you ought to hear Dan Wright in full cry before you met him. His phone number's 425412. It was on the board outside the church and I remember noticing it's exactly divisible by thirteen. Actually Dan's away till Thursday - he's gone to a seminar on paranormal phenomena. That's another reason why you ought to meet him."
"Will Kevin be all right?"
"Don't worry. We love him just as you do."
"I'm curious about something, Karen. Were those tights really itchy this morning?"
"Not for me. They're not so different from my ballet ones, but they must have felt odd on him when he drifted back."
"He seems to enjoy wearing your dresses, Karen. That bothers me."
"Daddy used to enjoy drinking gin - did that bother you?"
"No, but that's normal! Especially for a man like your father."
"Who says so?"
"Well, lot's of men drink gin."
"You mean, they do so without shame and in public. That's the difference. One day your eyes will open, I promise. I can only stay a minute, but I knew you were full of questions that Kevin couldn't answer. Oh, and if he's going to dress like this, please ask him to do it properly next time."
"You mean the bare feet?"
"Not exactly. I'll return soon, and remember, we do love you, and no harm will come ... and you'd find it just as sickening if you had a clever sister too!"
Betty recognised the change immediately. She also realised that her son was only half dressed.
"Kevin, my pet, I'm sure I would. Tell me, are you warm enough?"
"Yes, why?"
"I think if you're going to dress like this, you should at least make yourself respectable underneath."
"But you said it wasn't good for boys to wear such things."
"Go on, silly. Wear what you like, as long as you're comfortable and happy! How good are you at maths these days?"
Kevin wandered over to the chest of drawers to select some underwear.
"Fair," he said. "Karen claims she's better. Why?"
"Write down the number 425412 before I forget it. Then tell me if it's exactly divisible by thirteen?"
"Thirteen? How would I know? Is this a trick?"
It took Kevin two minutes with a sheet of paper and a pencil to confirm the answer. "I make it 32724 with no remainder!" he said proudly.
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